Bullying- It’s not just for kids any more.

 Life is interesting to me.  I’m always amazed when circumstances and events play out in unexpected ways.  Take bullying for example.  I never expected to become an expert on bullying, but life provided an unexpected opportunity.

I was raised to be respectful, collaborative and accepting of others.  Rules and procedures were to be followed and if they couldn’t be followed, they were changed.  There were no “gotcha” moments in my childhood and adolescence.  Expectations were clear.  Behavior and outcomes were evaluated. Corrections were based on behavior and outcomes.  If change was needed, the behaviors were described, not categorized or labeled. (Your room needs cleaning.- Behavior.  You’re a slob. – Label).  Innuendo and opinion were dismissed without evidence.  Tattling was unacceptable.

Unfortunately, I assumed that the expectations from the classroom and the playground carried over into the adult world of the workplace.   In my naivete, my assumption that the world operates from a positive perspective made me the perfect target for workplace bullying.  The details of my experience will be shared at another time, but I will share that the experience of being a target of workplace bullying was an eye-opening lesson.

After months of emotional agony and confusion trying to figure out what I was missing, a friend made a comment that led to research.  Thank goodness!!  In one of the first articles, I learned that in cases of workplace bullying, targets either do research or give up.  “Give up” means that the target accepts the loss of relationships, jobs, an identity, financial security, physical and mental health and for a few, life itself. I was reassured when I learned that targets demonstrate excellent interpersonal skills and work habits. If I didn’t do anything to deserve this, what happened?

Innuendo, gossips, half-truths, labeling, unsupported accusations, feelings of unfairness happened.  Conversations about needed correction centered on labels.  By the way- labels are concepts that change meaning based on context and culture.  Pretty tough to change.

Bullying in the workplace occurs when systems are in place but not followed. It occurs when supervisors, believe innuendo, assuming that only the accused would lie to save face and that accusations could never be false. The statement “Why would he/she lie?” rings out in my memory. (Evidence that people lie comes from the existence of a commandant that is at least three millennia old!)

Workplace bullying also occurs when we are ignorant about its existence, blind to it, don’t mention it, and  try to avoid it. (Think of monkeys: “Know no bullying” “See no bullying” Speak no bullying” “Avoid all bullying”) John F. Kennedy referenced Edmund Burke when he said, “All it takes for evil to triumph is that good men do nothing.” (https://quoteinvestigator.com/2010/12/04/good-men-do/) .

I was ignorant about adult bullying.  Thanks to my unexpected experience and a lot of research, I am no longer ignorant.  All it takes for bullying and the suffering it causes to continue is for knowledgeable people to remain silent.  Adults bully each other.  Innuendo, labels and assumptions are the weapons.  Be vigilant.  Watch and evaluate all your interactions and those you witness in person and through the media.

Bullying isn’t just for kids any more.

                                                                                                                                                                                   

ABOUT DR. BETH PLACHETKA, LCSW

THERAPIST FOR ADULTS AND ADOLESCENTS

As a licensed clinical social worker, therapist, speaker, adjunct professor in the School of Social Work at Aurora University and president of Safe Harbor Counseling in Sugar Grove, Illinois, Beth Plachetka, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MAEL brings 40 years of experience helping individuals, families and groups address and resolve psychological, social and interpersonal issues.

Dr. Beth’s expertise in assessing and strengthening relationships is applied in private practice counseling, school social work, teaching, and speaking engagements. As a therapist, Dr. Beth works closely with her clients to help them evaluate their progress and re-chart their course, so they can learn strategies, build confidence and identify support systems to gain the strength and confidence required for lasting change. Contact Dr. Beth for counseling.

SPEAKER FOR ORGANIZATIONS

For organizations to succeed and thrive, strong workplace relationships must be respectful, collaborative and in line with the mission and goals. If professional relationships are poor, it leaves a negative impact on the organization and customers suffer.

Beth’s knowledge of the importance of relationships at work is supported by her dissertation that focuses on adult bullying in the school setting and by earning her doctorate in curriculum and instruction. Her deep practical knowledge to identify and realign workplace relationships in educational systems and faith institutions provides her with the expertise required to improve team productivity and professional relationships.

Presenting on a variety of topics related to bullying and mental health, Beth uses humor as well as effective and practical strategies to improve workplace culture, counteract the devastation of bullying and mitigate the symptoms that result from workplace bullying. Beth’s presentations reflect her years of experience as a teacher with clearly stated objectives, outcomes, activities and interactions that both inspire and educate.  Contact Dr. Beth to speak at your next event.

With licenses and certificates in elementary education, school social work, clinical social work and educational leadership, her family fondly (at least she hopes it’s fondly) refers to her as “certifiable.”